I’ve always been one to look out. Avoid what’s inside. Always a dreamer imagining the “would be’s”. Never really present. Until now. Reaching my mid forties has come with a toll: Who am I? What have I accomplished? Where do I fit in? For the past three years I’ve been moving on with my life, living it in a sort of limbo. “Automatic mode” I like to call it. But once the questions pop into your mind, it’s practically impossible to avoid them. They will nag you until you face them. And so it is that I have decided to face them.

We’re living in times where we have access to tons of information regarding spirituality. From Google, to books that can be purchased with a click of a button; from courses and workshops, to Meetups and support groups. You name it. And then of course there’s the connection with millions of people who are on the same path. Looking for answers. Searching for meaning. For some the urge might come at an earlier age. For me it’s come at an age when life is starting to feel hollow and empty. A single mom with one kid off in college and the other one well on his way, I realize that soon I will be completely on my own and that one of my passions in life, parenting, will have to be “replaced”. Of course my kids will always be a huge part of my life but I’m well aware that my role as a mom is changing and that I’m becoming more of a bystander, giving advice as needed. No more reinforcing rules, no more lecturing, no more planning family meals, no more going to the movies.

I’m left with no option but to finally look inside. I figured if I’m going to spend the second half of my life on my own I might as well get to know myself. And so the journey begins. Although in a way I have been taking “introduction to spirituality 101” for the past few years, reading a little about Buddhism, taking a yoga TT (which, as many things in my life, I never finished), doing a little bit of meditation, etc. I have never fully committed to any of it. And I’m now at a point where I need to fully invest myself in what I feel is a calling. It’s almost as if something has shifted. Something has inspired me to fully submerge into spirituality.

I have been able to narrow down my foundation to two amazing gurus. I have also gathered a few tools to support me on this journey. All of which I will talk about on my next post. So if you feel drawn to what I have written so far, if something feels familiar, I invite you to follow along. Perhaps you will find some inspiration. And if not, I thank you for having given me a little bit of your time by sticking around this far. Hope we meet again.